Tag Archives: blogging

Can anyone tell me my name?


My senses are growing weak. My mind is closing down slowly, slowly. How can I possibly complete all these posts in one sitting? Soon, I will no longer be able to type, and the world will be spared any more of these words on top of words on top of words.  Then, mankind will begin the healing process, and my blog presence will be nothing more than a vaguely nauseating memory.

You wish. Because I have to keep going, no matter whom I destroy in the process. Even WordPress is telling me that my goal is five posts: “two down, three to go, buddy!” I added the buddy, but that’s what WordPress would say if it were a coach for remedial soccer.

But I’ll make this one short; it’s the least I can do for you. Instead, I’ll ask a question, as apparently, the Internet is a two-way street and you might be able to help point me in the right direction. What do you want out of a blog? What do you wish you got from a blog but could never find? Maybe I really can be of some service to the world, rather than just watching my fingers type out this word, then this word, then this one. And then hitting the ‘publish’ button and forcing you to read this word, then this word, then this one.

I mean I’m evil, but there are limits.

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Filed under The first trimester

The second one makes you or breaks you


People are nice. They’ll give you the benefit of the doubt; they’ll indulge you at first. But cybertime is money, and no one is going to be spending any on you if your product doesn’t deliver. Life is too short– until someone figures out how to reduce everything to emoticons. Then we’ll have time to relax and enjoy communication. Until then, don’t waste my time.

So the first post is a freebie. People will glance it over. People will cut you some slack. But the second post! The second post is really the point where they figure you out, and if you’ve got nothing to show for it, they’ll drop you like last hour’s viral. This isn’t some friendly, quaint croquet game where the two little old ladies playing aren’t even bothering to keep score because that would take all the fun out of it. You can’t spell ‘f u n’ with ‘i n t e r n e t.’ Well, only the ‘n,’ but that doesn’t make any sense.

My second post has to enrapture. It has to transfix. Only I’ve just read over my first post and am really concerned with how much I put out there for everyone to see. A) why would I really want to do that? Why would I want to tell the world that I don’t know what I’m doing? and B) Why the hell would anyone care? And there’s a C), too: do I honestly believe that I’m the first person to say any of this at the beginning of his or her blogging career? Be honest, you’re groaning right now because you’re reading the same goofy fears again, the same silly observations. You wish I’d do my homework before opening up my big mouth and just read a few other blogs out there. It’s called professionalism.

Well, I’m starting to get the idea that my second post isn’t enrapturing, but at least I can shift the blame a little– one of the few things I actually am a bit skilled at. Earlier today, when my friend Anne was secretly forcing me to become a blogger, she explained that lots of people will visit the blog right away and that I can’t wait to think about what I’m writing– I just have to write! Now!

So that’s what I’m doing, and may god have mercy on me. Anne didn’t. She told me about how when she started her blog, she had 50 people a day for the first week– and then things got real. So she insisted that I get five posts up and running before I did anything else. I don’t even remember the last time I ate anything, and I still have three to go.

Anyway, what I figure I will do is cut and paste the first chapter of my book in one of these posts, so that people will have an idea of what I’ve got to offer. Anne warned not to do this too early, so I’ll probably drop the bomb more toward my fourth or fifth post. Kind of like lulling you into a false sense of security.

And that’s just going to have to be my second post. You’re welcome.

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Filed under The first trimester